Comfortable

If I were to set a scene for my life the past week, it would look like: Three girls, running around half naked or half sane, or both... trying to put some sense into the craziness of the world, and failing with gusto.

And now it's coming to an end. Truly. And all of a sudden I find myself wearing this strange hat I didn't know I had. Emma practically had to pack my bags for me as I was on my way to the airport. Most of the time I get such a high off of traveling alone and meeting people and letting the chips fall as they may. But right now, in this moment, I would rather hang out in stinky Hong Kong to hang with my roommies than explore and expand in the temples of Siem Reap. Before today I was sure I was angry about not being able to leave, but today I'm citting my hair, singin in the shower, and playing lonely games, as I was told to do. And honestly I am elated that I am forced to wait for my friends before I can fly out.

Creepily, I'm even more excited because I literally am FORCED to wait for them, so I don't actually have to own up to the fact that I'd really rather stick around then go exploring. Cuz if I had to own up to that, I would definitely have to scold myself. Which is silly anyway. Many times I have to remind myself to step back and laugh at it all. Like I did today. A lot. So much so that some patrons at the beach were looking at me strangely, which just made me laugh more. Ha, joke's on them.

I was thinking fondly on California today, and how nice it was going to be to head back to a job I love, and people I love, and weather I, well, you know... it's not bad. Working on the beach and spending days with the kayster and sasha and being able to be in contact with the people I love. It has been months since I spoke with Dale and that's not sitting well with me at all. I am young enough to want freedom in most of its aspects, but old enough to know that there are some things you must hold precious and need not take for granted.

Hopefully not wanting to be alone is a phase. Or, perhaps I'm just lonely and ready to go home. Ready to speak the language, ready to hug michelle belle and patio, linders and shawna, lengli and the el martin. Ready to wax philosophic with Janet and laugh out loud with Elise. There are myriad ways to keep in touch with people these days, but none of it suffices at the heart of the matter. Or at least, instead of filling my reserves it leaves me wanting for more. But I was always that way, I think. I can remember being really young and staying over at my Grandmother's house. Every night I would get sad and want to call my parents, and after every call I would just cry harder. If she were smart, she would have hid the phone and told me it was broken.

At any rate, with the advent of the Bangkok thing blowing over, at least for now, it looks like I will be booking my flight for the 8th and just hanging around here until then. I need to hit up some of the markets for presents, and I am planning on hiking a mountain called Sharp Peak on Thursday or Friday. So it's not as though I will have as much time to fill as I was imagining. Plus, I know have no need to buy any food, as everyone who left (which is EVERYONE) left food at the house I am now staying at. So I don't even need to spend money on food or drink. I was even gifted a dvd of strange Asian porn. I would like to think that I was accidentally gifted said dvd, but it was nestled so nicely in the middle of them all, that most of me has to believe it was hidden. Either way that should provide an hour or so of a party for one.

So I get to feast on everyone else's food, walk in the leftover shoes, wear the leftover clothes, watch the leftover DVDs and read the leftover books. Fortunately I have been so busy distracting myself for at least two weeks, that even though I do not like it, I think the very thing I need is to be is in this nice house with no one I know around to distract me. Plus, it's good to do things we don't like every once in a while.